How to upgrade your iPhone in 6 simple steps

iPhone 12

Tools Required

• 6 x 6 x 10 inch rectangular food storage container
• Large cooking pot with a long handle 
• Water
• Spoon
• Tongs
• A partner who loves you and enjoys technology (optional)

The Set Up

Fill a pot with water, ¾ full. 

Place the pot on a front burner with the handle pointed toward the counter.

Bring the water to a boil. 

While you wait for the water to boil, strategically place the storage container on the counter near the pot handle. Position the top of the container so that it is almost flush with the tip of the pot handle. See image 1.

Next, phone a trusted friend or family member. Choose someone who won’t judge or ridicule you. 

Place the call on speaker mode. You’ll need free hands to continue with the set-up.

Critical step: Carefully prop up the iPhone at a slight 45 degree angle on top of the plastic container. I situated a wooden spoon behind my phone. Be sure to align the iPhone on the lid with the tip of the handle. It may take you a few tries to master this Rube Goldburg type of alignment but placement is everything.

Image 1

Execution

Once the set-up is complete and the water is boiling, you are ready to begin.

Optional: If you are like me, and authenticity and practicality are central to who you are, throw in a pinch of salt and uncooked pasta into the boiling water. 

1. Lose yourself in the phone conversation. Poor a cocktail. Laugh. Multi-task. Timing isn’t important here. I waited until my son was in the middle of an engrossing story before I tackled Step 2.
2. Launch the phone with a gentle tap (for me it was more of a slow fumble). Whatever strategy you use, the phone should coast on its back, down the metal slide and into the pot of penne. The key is to make it look like a complete accident.
3. Remain calm and grab the tongs. 
4. Carefully lift the phone out of the boiling water and place it on a bed of rice. Continue your conversation as if nothing has happened. There is no need to alarm the caller. Note: You will only have a few minutes before the phone shuts down.
5. Wait two hours.
6. Press in and hold the side button for 45 seconds. If the Apple logo fails to appear on your screen, your old phone is officially dead.

Congratulations! You are ready for an iPhone upgrade!

Comments:

D. Juengst: Amy, your new phone is here but your old iPhone 8 got jealous and brought itself back to life. All the buttons are working again. 

Amy: Update: You may need to let the phone simmer at least one minute before removing it from the water.